The DOCTOR The Owners Guide and Maintenance Manual
by dont we all love david
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a DOCTOR unit! Read the following guide and learn how to care for and love your very own sugar overdosing Manical alien!


**DOCTOR: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this idea, the original belongs to Theresa Green.

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the proud owner of a DOCTOR unit! To unlock the full potential of this Peaceful, Angsting, Banana lover, please read the following manual with care, as misuse of the DOCTOR may prove hazardous to your health. Or your sanity.

**Technical Specifications**

Name: DOCTOR (Will respond to "Oi, You," "Get Him" and "Leave This Planet Alone").

Age: 903.

Place of Manufacture: Gallifrey

Height: Classified Military Information.

Weight: Classified Military Information.

Length: Ever Changing (But his pants are transdimentional…).

**Your DOCTOR will come with the following accessories:**

One pair pinstripe pants and jacket

One pair of converses (Colour varies with mood)

One tan coloured coat

One sonic screwdriver

Note: Without his Sonic, your DOCTOR unit may unlock the Angst mode. There is no way to reverse this mode—it is suggested that you do not bring in a JACKIE unit, that would only agitate your DOCTOR. However, unlocking the Slash mode may override this, but as of yet this is untested.

**Removing your DOCTOR from his box**

Unlike most units, the DOCTOR unit is naturally calm and pensive. He will politely wait for you to open the box, and depending on how you treat him, may decide to scream your ears off or run around like a maniac five year old. In order to keep this from happening, wear a JACKIE TYLER Coplay and threaten to slap him.

The DOCTOR unit will immediately obey your every word.

If your DOCTOR refuses to respond to you disguised as JACKIE, then he clearly has a defect. Send him back to the manufacturer's as soon as possible. And keep him away from all JACK units.

Because if he's got a defect, who knows what might happen…

**Programming**

Your DOCTOR unit has been included with limited programming options due to his rather Manic nature:

Braniac: The DOCTOR unit is naturally good at any and all things, and if you can convince him to do your homework, you might just go to university tomorrow. Just don't expect your DOCTOR to sit still while doing this.

Techie: Though he tends to blow up everything he meets and tends to electrocute himself at every given moment, the DOCTOR unit has some technical skills, like fixing a 900 year old time machine that he broke…

Bodyguard: This function isn't one of the programmed ones, but your DOCTOR unit can take good care of you, just by talking. Just give him the word and he can bore people to death!

**Your DOCTOR will come with the following modes:**

Curious (_default_)

Manic (_default_)

Smexy (_locked_)

Ambitious

Slash (_locked_)

Out of Character (_locked_)

The DOCTOR unit is best suited for doing your paperwork or homework, but his Curiosity can often end badly for you—especially if he sees something interesting, or shiny. The DOCTOR unit can become slightly bored if left alone for extended periods of time. In order to unlock the Slash mode, lock him in a room with a DONNA or JACKIE unit for extended periods of time without sleep or food. (**Warning:** On occasion this will not work, and will result in your DOCTOR unit attempting suicide. If this happens, try a JACK HARKNESS unit instead. Though that could end badly too.

If your DOCTOR unit starts acting selfish and unkind, then you have on accident unlocked Out of Character mode (probably by initiating sexual relations with a HARKNESS unit). There is no way to reverse this. To make use of this strange mode, bring in an Out of Character MASTER unit and watch the sparks fly between the three. (**Warning:** The manufacturers are not responsible for any soap operaesque relationships between your JACK, DOCTOR, and MASTER units.)

**Relations with other units**

ROSE TYLER: The DOCTOR unit is rather indifferent to this unit, but if the ROSE unit tries to stop your DOCTOR unit from eating bananas, then you can expect someone to get hurt.

Jack HARKNESS: As long as Out of Character mode is locked, your DOCTOR unit will be envious of the JACK HARKNESS unit. Though there will be no ears imploded, expect your DOCTOR to whine about not being omni, or not having enough fan girls. If Out of Character mode is unlocked, expect your DOCTOR to search for the nearest JACK HARKNESS unit to fall in love with. This is unavoidable, do not try to deny your Out of Character DOCTOR his JACK love. It won't end well for you.

MASTER: Your DOCTOR unit will convince the MASTER unit to betray any JACK and ROSE units. Expect to hear lots of SCREAMING explosions coming from nearby, though your DOCTOR will keep you safe from the MASTER unit. In Slash mode, DOCTOR and MASTER will have lots of mansex—this is impossible to avoid. If your DOCTOR unit has Out of Character mode unlocked as well, then he will usually bring a JACK home as well, causing MASTER to get jealous… (**Warning:** The manufacturers are still not responsible for any soap operaesque drama from these three units.)

MARTHA: The DOCTOR unit does not like the MARTHA unit, and never will. Please note that the DOCTOR unit will try to kill MARTHA at any given moment. The DOCTOR unit will just resort to trying to shoot her.

**Cleaning**

The DOCTOR unit is self-sufficient, and he can clean and look after himself. As a matter of fact, the DOCTOR unit will not allow you to clean him at all. Attempting so will more than likely cause you to get attacked by technobable.

If Out of Character mode is unlocked, you can expect your DOCTOR unit to bate with JACK HARKNESS. Again, do not try to discourage this behaviour. The MASTER unit may also join in the fun—though then it will become perverted to fill all your yaoi fan girl needs.

**Feeding**

Your DOCTOR unit is perfectly capable of feeding himself, though he may occasionally want something better than just whatever's in your refrigerator. Give into his whims every once in a while, but be careful or he may unlock Out of Character mode unexpectedly.

**Rest**

Usually good at going to sleep and staying asleep, the DOCTOR unit will refuse sleep when he is on the verge of a big discovery, such as the MASTER unit approaching or an upcoming war. If you cannot convince him to go to sleep, tie him to the bed. (**Warning:** The DOCTOR unit is unaffected by the fluffy handcuffs. Use real handcuffs or rope.)

Also note that your DOCTOR unit may sleep more during the day is Out of Character mode is unlocked. There is no reason to explain why.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: My DOCTOR unit ran off to go play with the TARDIS and I haven't seen him since! Come to think of it, my MASTER unit is missing too…

A: I hate to tell you this, but your DOCTOR unit won't be coming back, and neither will your MASTER. When exposed to the TARDIS playset, the MASTER unit will go psycho and the inside of the TARDIS will turn red. There is no way to reverse this.

Q: Why won't my DOCTOR unit listen to me? He's locked himself in one of the spare rooms and refuses to come out!

A: the DOCTOR unit has probably remembered losing ROSE, JACK, THE MASTER, RANI, SARAH JANE, DONNA, MARTHA, SARAH, HARRY and anyone else he can think of. Apparently you didn't show him enough kindness once you opened the box. Either that, or he's having midnight visits from a MASTER unit.

Q: I left the house for the day and when I came back my DOCTOR unit had turned my entire house into an exact replica of the TARDIS How did this happen?

A: Your DOCTOR unit now has unlocked the secret "Bow down to me, I'm An Alien" mode. There is no way to reverse this mode. Too bad for you.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Your DOCTOR unit refuses to do anything you ask him and mopes around all day.

Solution: Apparently your DOCTOR is set to Out of Character mode and is going through another soap operaesque moment with the JACK HARKNESS unit. In order to make your DOCTOR feel better, either bring in an Out of Character MASTER unit, or buy him his very own JACK HARKNESS.

Problem: The DOCTOR unit accidentally techno babbled one of your other units to death and is now pointedly ignoring your scolding.

Solution: This is normal. DOCTOR has absolutely no problem with killing off his competition, when it comes to getting attention or maybe the other unit just insulted him. If your DOCTOR was moping, that would be a reason to worry.

Problem: You keep finding random MASTER units in the house.

Solution: Your DOCTOR unit is just doing his job of bringing all the MASTERS back into the TARDIS. This is normal as well, though you should set boundaries on how many MASTERS your DOCTOR is allowed to bring home.

Problem: Your DOCTOR unit meets a DALEK.

Solution: You're screwed.

**Final Note**

After many long years of service, you will undoubtedly reach the end of your lifespan. Seeing as how your DOCTOR unit is a sub-creation from the BBC and is also an alien, he will continue living and provide your descendents with loyal service. As long as they Coplay as JACKIE TYLER.


End file.
